Hey peeps.

I changed my profile *Points to the left*

Woke up in the morning.

Walked past her bedroom.

Burst out crying in my room.

Saw a picture of her carrying me when I was a baby.

It was in her photo album.

I took some of her photos to keep.

I cried when I saw that picture.

Cut it into a heart-shape thinggy and put it in a heart-shaped photo frame which Dina gave me for my birthday.

Stared and pondered about stuff for nearly an hour.

Afternoon.

Went to get ready for school for Prelims English Orals.

It was okaaaay I guess.

Lol Weeleng and Amanda were thoughtful.

They tried not to talk about my grandma, cause they didn't want me to get more upset.

Thanks.

Dina went to comfort me too.

But she was more straightforward lah lol.

Thanks anyway sweetie(:

And surprisingly, so did Nestor a.k.a No balls.

Wondered how he found out.

He overheard the conversation between Amanda and Dina.

-.-

But he did cheered me up later on though haha.

Thanks no balls(:

Anyway, after orals, went home.

Showered, bought my new handphone, and went back there.

Saw Gigi, Weiting, and Gigi's parents.

Greeted them and thanked them for coming.

Chatted with Gigi and Weiting for quite some time.

Gigi's parents were talking with my parents(:

Gigi missed her sambal.
Me too Gigi, me too.
Don't worry though, you'll get to taste it again!
I'm gonna find out the recipe through Simah, a maid who worked for us for quite some time some years ago and is one of my grandma's favourite maids.
So yeah.
I'm gonna get something out of her.
:D

Anyway, they left after some time.
Thanks Weiting and Gigi.
:))

Talked with Vernise and cousins again.

7pm was the prayers thing.
We prayed and knelt down and bowed like duno how many times.
I was controlling my tears all the time.

But when they started doing the rounds around the coffin,
I couldn't take it anymore.
Tears started streaming down my cheeks and I had to wipe them over and over again.
Sigh.

Rested for a while, then started 2nd round of prayers.

I cried even more on the 2nd round.
-.-
So did all my cousins.
And of course, my mother and the rest.

I kept thinking about the past.
Sigh.

I missed her terribly.

3rd round, didn't cry that much.
Didn't want my grandma to see me cry.

Oh yeah, burnt all the paper thinggys we folded the day before, with alot of paper thinggys.
There's this paper house thingy which is sooo huge.
It's like 3.5m long you know.
With servants and food and lights.
._.
The paper thinggys we folded were paper money for her.
Grandma, hope you'll be happyhappyhappyhappy(:
You takecare of yourself okay?
I will too.

Smsed a few peeps.
They cheered me up alot(:
Thankssssssss(:
I will cheer up, but I need time.

Life seems different to me.
Like, I feel so..insecure.
Like nobody's gonna protect me anymore.
I still have my parents but iono,
I'm just not as close to them as to my grandma.

Went home at around 1:30am.
Showered and rested.

Woke up at 7am+ today.
And here I am, blogging about yesterday.
Haha.

Today is the Cremation day.
Everyone had told me to be prepared of this day.
I'm aware of what's gonna happen.
To be frank, I don't think I can hold my tears back when the time comes.
Oh well, I bet everyone will be crying at that time anyway.
Hhhmmm.

But..
I'll stay strong(:

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

Ello, the name’s Sherena.
I’m Nineteen this year & am lovin’ it.
I’m a Cancerian.
Imma bookworm.
I close ranks in suspicion & coldness toward outsiders.
That doesn’t mean I’m unsociable, just that for me, there is a time to socialize and a time to be solitary.
I’m appreciative of art and literature, and especially of drama, where the spectacle and ebb and flow of action and feeling particularly excite me.
I have a retentive memory, particularly for emotionally laden events which I can still recall in detail for years afterwards.
I’m too easily influenced by those I love and admire, & can be swayed by the emotion of the moment.

I am never one to patiently pick up
already broken fragments & glue em back together again
& tell myself that everything would be as good as new.
What is broken is broken - and I'd rather remember it
as it was at it's very best than try to mend it
& see the broken pieces as long as I lived.

Love is what all of us are born with.
Fear is what we learn throughout the years.
I believe that the spiritual journey is the unlearning of fear & prejudices
& the acceptance of pure love back in our hearts.
Love is truly the essential reality and our purpose in life.

And to be consciously aware of it,
to really take the risk,
give our all and experience love in ourselves & others,
is the real meaning of life.

Meaning does not lie in things.
Meaning lies in us.