I'm not ready for tomorrow's Chemistry paper.

I seriously am not ready at all.

No mood, not enough motivation, nothing.

But heck this okay.

I'm gonna do my best, and just fcking get through this.


After the paper, I'm going for my check up.
Things had taken a bad turn for me lately.
In everything.
Relationship, friendships, and even now, my health.

Life is full of ups and downs.

I just gotta accept them and move on no matter how hurtful it may be.


All I hope for now is that my health will be fine.

:)


Will be gone the whole afternoon till night tomorrow.

Sigh.

I wanna see him so badly.

Just to see him, hug him, kiss him.

Or maybe just to tell him how much I love him before I leave for my checkup.

You know, in case something goes wrong and I never got the chance to say the words buried deep in my heart?


But.....

It's just too painful to even glance at him.

Yet...

It's even more painful to feel so lost, so confused without him.


Well,
I gotta learn to not be so dependent.

Or the hurt is gonna be much worst.
I gave my heart to you.
You can love it with all your heart, or
throw it, kick it, stamp on it, or even unfortunately, break it.
It's still yours.
Cos you have the ability to decide.

I'm gonna hold on to this.
To us.
To everything.
Till you really give up on this.

I know it's stubborn of me to do this when the chance of me getting hurt is high these days.
But at least...
I know I tried to chase you, to hold you and not let you go.
I won't regret a single thing I did cos you're the best thing that ever happened to me.
There will be no unspoken words that I may regret not saying.
Feelings aren't within our control.
Call me foolish, stubborn, whatever.
Cos I can't control my feelings over you.

If you leave me,
It'll be like a thousand paper cuts soaked in vinegar,
and like falling face first into a bed of broken glass.

But if you still insist.........

Sigh.
If it makes you happy....
I'll do anything.

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

Ello, the name’s Sherena.
I’m Nineteen this year & am lovin’ it.
I’m a Cancerian.
Imma bookworm.
I close ranks in suspicion & coldness toward outsiders.
That doesn’t mean I’m unsociable, just that for me, there is a time to socialize and a time to be solitary.
I’m appreciative of art and literature, and especially of drama, where the spectacle and ebb and flow of action and feeling particularly excite me.
I have a retentive memory, particularly for emotionally laden events which I can still recall in detail for years afterwards.
I’m too easily influenced by those I love and admire, & can be swayed by the emotion of the moment.

I am never one to patiently pick up
already broken fragments & glue em back together again
& tell myself that everything would be as good as new.
What is broken is broken - and I'd rather remember it
as it was at it's very best than try to mend it
& see the broken pieces as long as I lived.

Love is what all of us are born with.
Fear is what we learn throughout the years.
I believe that the spiritual journey is the unlearning of fear & prejudices
& the acceptance of pure love back in our hearts.
Love is truly the essential reality and our purpose in life.

And to be consciously aware of it,
to really take the risk,
give our all and experience love in ourselves & others,
is the real meaning of life.

Meaning does not lie in things.
Meaning lies in us.