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A pretty emotional RJ question.
Monday, November 09, 2009 10:31 PM


"Question: Describe an incident that tugged at your heart strings. Why did you feel the way you did?"


I come from a very protective family, so since I was a kid, I was pampered very much and my parents had never once even thought of a time when their daughter would finally grow up and be independent. In their eyes, I’m always their little girl.

I have realised this and I was eager to prove them wrong and show them that as much as I love them, I am and will be independent someday, without them by my side, guiding me through every step. Thus, I started to hide my true self and harden up myself on the outside, even being aloof at times. I want them to believe and trust that I am able to take care of myself someday. So to them, I always show this hard, aloof and insensitive side of me which is nothing like my true self. I have been doing a great job till my grandmother, who has been staying with us since my parents got married, passed away.


She was a big part of my life. My parents were both working full time everyday and I don’t get to see them much. Thus, I spent most of my time with my grandmother. Although we have petty tiffs at times, I still loved her dearly. I could not imagine my life without her with me to share my sorrows and happiness. But I did not tell her how I feel about her. I could not. I’ve been hiding myself from them for more than a decade and still am. So when she sent to hospital in critical condition of a heart attack, I practically went nuts.

Fear coursed through my veins. She has to come back. I cannot live without her. I cannot, and I WILL not. The sobs racked my body as if I was being brutally shaken. Every muscle ached with exhaustion and soon, the carpet, my hands, my face, and my shirt sleeves – everything is soaked. I stayed at home, eagerly waiting for any update on her condition. When she was announced dead, I felt like everything inside me had shattered, every part of me had broken into a thousand tiny pieces that I would never be able to put back together again. I staggered into the bedroom and threw myself down on the unmade bed. Her pillow still held traces of her smell. I jumped up; and looked around wildly for something that belonged to her. I found a shirt of hers on the floor. I lie back down and rubbed it against my wet, burning cheek like a comfort blanket, inhaling her gentle odour. I closed my eyes and try to pretend she is still beside me. I felt so regretful and terribly upset that I could not confess to her how much I love her and how much she actually means to me.

My family were utterly astonished with my behaviour during that few days because it was just so unlike myself. That hard shell that I have been hiding in for so many years had actually cracked.

I guess other than the fact that the most important person in my life who helped build me up is gone, another reason is probably because I have always been bottling and hiding my feelings for a very long time, determined to stay strong and hard willed infront of them. However, when the truth of her death was thrown right at my face, I could not take the sadness, depression and heartache anymore because it’s just way too much to handle.

So from that day onwards, although I’m back to hiding under this tough hard exterior again, I do always make a point to remind those around me about how much I love and appreciate them, and sometimes, to let loose of myself as well.


Listen to the rhythm


MusicPlaylist
Music Playlist at MixPod.com



L'esperienza de questa dolce vita
Ello, the name’s Sherena.
I’m Nineteen this year & am lovin’ it.
I’m a Cancerian.
Imma bookworm.
I close ranks in suspicion & coldness toward outsiders.
That doesn’t mean I’m unsociable, just that for me, there is a time to socialize and a time to be solitary.
I’m appreciative of art and literature, and especially of drama, where the spectacle and ebb and flow of action and feeling particularly excite me.
I have a retentive memory, particularly for emotionally laden events which I can still recall in detail for years afterwards.
I’m too easily influenced by those I love and admire, & can be swayed by the emotion of the moment.

I am never one to patiently pick up
already broken fragments & glue em back together again
& tell myself that everything would be as good as new.
What is broken is broken - and I'd rather remember it
as it was at it's very best than try to mend it
& see the broken pieces as long as I lived.

Love is what all of us are born with.
Fear is what we learn throughout the years.
I believe that the spiritual journey is the unlearning of fear & prejudices
& the acceptance of pure love back in our hearts.
Love is truly the essential reality and our purpose in life.

And to be consciously aware of it,
to really take the risk,
give our all and experience love in ourselves & others,
is the real meaning of life.

Meaning does not lie in things.
Meaning lies in us.


Little things that make me smile
Myself HAAHHAHAAHAH
Good skin complexion
Catfights
Laughing/Smiling madly at someone
Giving the finger
Helping anything/anyone
My besties
Family
My bitchy friends


Things that pop my balloon
Fake friends
Flirts
Those emo screamo songs that makes ur ears burst with all their yucky screaming
Nagging from my parents or from anybody else
Liars
Being alone
the dark
Being forgotten
Being ignored
Being neglected
Being unappreciated
People who dont care about others but themselves
Promise breakers
People who tell me to do things that I don't wanna do
PIMPLES AND ACNES
Scars
Cockroaches and worms


I keep my fingers crossed
A homemade candlelight dinner/picnic for two on the beach!
Cuddling at home and watching a rented dvd together and eating popcorn
Buying tons of balloons, write our wishes there, and let em go.
Everlasting love
Two more piercings
Pass coming piano exams
Get rid of my eye bags!
New PSP battery!!!
More vintage clothes!
Maintain my GPA of 3.5
Get into University
Colourful clothes!
Rachel K makeup products!


FOR MY NEW VICTORIAN BEDROOM!
Queen Sized Victorian Bed!
Victorian Bed curtains!
Victorian Dressing table!
Victorian vanity table!!
Mosquito net curtains!
Victorian floral curtain holders!
Victorian lamp/chandelier!
Scented candles/oils!
Victorian tea set!
Victorian boxes for my stuff!
PAINTINGS!!
Victorian clock!!
Any more recommendations to add in? :s Suggest some to me! Haha.
Please santa, I'm a good girl this year.


You were scared of the words that were to come out


Even though my hands reach out, you seem to be fading away
ADELYN MEI♥
ALEX
ALICIA
ANGELINE
AZMIRA
BALQIS
BRENT
CHENG
CHERIE
CHERYL
CHRISTINE
CLARA MEI
DARREN
DINA♥
ERIC
ELEENA
EVELYN
FAZZ
GIGI♥
HISWIFEY
HIZRIANI
JASON
JOCIE
KINO
LIPING
LUKANO
LULU
LUKE
MATHEW♥
NELSON
NOAH
SEEMUN
SERENE
SHINE
STEIN
SUHEDAH
WEITING
YANGHAN
YIK YANG NICHOLAS
YOLANDA


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