There was a time when we got along fine, but soon enough everything changed.
She started waking me in the middle of the night with questions about this and that...
questions that needed answers, she said.
She was always there when I woke & there when I fell asleep, but perhaps worst of all, she was in my dreams.

There were lots of decisions to make, turns to take, and things to become.
All the choices one must make in life, al the crossroads.
She tried very hard to stay close to me, but I pushed her away.

You give someone a piece of your finger, you reach out a helping hand, you not only save their life, you create it.
You are their God.
You try to take it, bite after bite of flesh until your bones begin to show, and then you just can't anymore.
I did the only thing I could do.
I turned and face the wall at night and willed myself to a blind and deaf sleep.
I thought shutting her out of my life would shut her out of hers.

Still, for some time the questions didn't cease.
Questions which I don't even know the answers.
Her voice was contstantly there, like a background ramble.
Some days were worst than others...
but I held on and endured.
I endured until eventually her voice was nothing more than a whisper in the back of mind.
By ignoring her existence, I shook her loose.

It took the best of me, and what I lost I will never get back,
but finally my head was empty.
For a while I thought I had succeeded.

Its something to do with age, I guess.
You start around midway, with holding off on the burying of new things.
You've learnt better by then.
Some years go to this.
Then before you even know it you are in the homestretch and what you've buried starts to sink.
Either you didn't bury it deep enough, or the rain has washed the dirt away.
Any number of things could have happened.
The only sure thing about it is that it happens to us all.
The remaining years are then spent digging up what you once buried and making things done wrong....right.
It's an endless trip back and forth to the cemetery, until one day you finally go there and don't come back.

I should have done this a long time ago.
I will wipe my slates clean and finish what I've started years ago.
And thats the irony of it all.
I worked so hard to get everybody to leave me alone,
and now I'm the one bringing them back just to get a chance to show them the real me.
The one inside this shell.

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

Ello, the name’s Sherena.
I’m Nineteen this year & am lovin’ it.
I’m a Cancerian.
Imma bookworm.
I close ranks in suspicion & coldness toward outsiders.
That doesn’t mean I’m unsociable, just that for me, there is a time to socialize and a time to be solitary.
I’m appreciative of art and literature, and especially of drama, where the spectacle and ebb and flow of action and feeling particularly excite me.
I have a retentive memory, particularly for emotionally laden events which I can still recall in detail for years afterwards.
I’m too easily influenced by those I love and admire, & can be swayed by the emotion of the moment.

I am never one to patiently pick up
already broken fragments & glue em back together again
& tell myself that everything would be as good as new.
What is broken is broken - and I'd rather remember it
as it was at it's very best than try to mend it
& see the broken pieces as long as I lived.

Love is what all of us are born with.
Fear is what we learn throughout the years.
I believe that the spiritual journey is the unlearning of fear & prejudices
& the acceptance of pure love back in our hearts.
Love is truly the essential reality and our purpose in life.

And to be consciously aware of it,
to really take the risk,
give our all and experience love in ourselves & others,
is the real meaning of life.

Meaning does not lie in things.
Meaning lies in us.