John, who is turning 14 this year.
Thats pretty darn old for a dog.
I really want to share some thoughts with you guys.
Some thoughts which have been bothering me last night.
On my way back home yesterday,
I bumped into some kids who were playing pingpong on the floor outside the gym.
I stopped, and stood there looking at them,
remembering the good ol' times, MY good ol' times.
It really felt it was just yesterday.
But when they look up and meet my eyes,
I'm greeted by what I wasnt expecting and left me enervated somehow.
That look.
That look was the exact same expression
which I would give to an adult back then.
A look of curiosity and fear mixed together.
But this time, the adult was
me.
That it just dawned onto me that I may not be as young as I thought I was anymore.
I'm all grown up.
All along I thought Im still a big kid whose still not ready to face the world.
I have lotsa lotsa time.
My parents are going to support me for a longlong time.
I dont have to worry much.
But I was wrong.
In less than a year's time, my brother is going to NS.
In less than 2 years, I'm getting a diploma cert and hopefully going to University.
In a couple of years time after that, I'm gonna get married and start my own family.
My parents are going to retire.
I would be on my own then.
Trust me, its gonna be really soon.
Look at this year, half the year is going to be gone already.
Have you ever consider how much more responsibility
you would have for yourself
when you're all grown up?
I did.
And it makes me shiver.
All along till now, in my life,
my parents have always been responsible for me.
I can screw up big time,
and know that I have somebody who would take the toll for me.
But in a few years time,
that wont be the case anymore.
Seeing the smiles on the children's faces from such a simple game,
just makes me all the more jealous of how simple they are.
I so very want to have the same mentality as them
so that happiness can come as easily to me.
But I cant.
Back then, winning a game of 'block-catching' and spending the whole day with my bff is everything that ever mattered to me.
The only thing which could make me sad is when I dont get to watch my favourite TV cartoon.
But now, its so different.
I have to work to excel in my studies, career and myself.
I make sure I impress photographers in my modeling shoots.
I make sure I stay in honour roll in my cohort for my studies to work for a diploma with merit.
I make sure I improve myself in any way every single day.
I make sure I let those I love know how much they mean to me.
I take time out to spend time with them, to make them laugh.
To put a smile on their faces.
To make an impact in their lives like how they had impacted mine.
Its just not that simple to be happy anymore.
When you grow up, you'll realise its impossible.
Theres so many things you need to worry about.
Money, house, family, work.
Suddenly all the basic necessities which you
NEED to be happy with
requires you to work so hard for it because you are not spoon-fed anymore.
Food, shelter, family.
It isnt given to you easily anymore.
You have to work for it. Hard.
And it scares me, really.
And suddenly, I'm frightened.
Frightened of growing up itself.
Time is moving wayyy too fast.
And its not that I
CANT catch up,
but its more like I
DONT WANT to.
I was so upset and depressed about this last night.
I talked to James, my brah, about it and it helped alot.
He's right.
I should not be afraid.
I should be happy that I have alot of things which I havent accomplished in this life,
and that I have great friends and family beside me,
supporting me, mentally and physically.
I can do this.
Take one step at a time.
Not to forget to stop and smell the roses as well.
Thanks brah. :)
I guess growing up is never easy.
You hold on to things that were.
You wonder what's to come.
But that night, I think I knew it was time to let go of what had been,
and look ahead to what would be.
Other days.
New days.
Days to come.
The thing is, we didn't have to hate each other for getting older.
We just had to forgive ourselves... for growing up.
The day the child realizes that all adults are imperfect, he becomes an adolescent; the day he forgives them, he becomes an adult; the day he forgives himself, he becomes wise.
John, who is turning 14 this year.
Ello, the name’s Sherena.
A homemade candlelight dinner/picnic for two on the beach!
Cuddling at home and watching a rented dvd together and eating popcorn
